Alfred “Heady” Moon is a trumpeter who is continuously out of breath and sweaty, but in the way that an athlete is sweaty. He has a huge head and curly hair. He carries his trumpet around all the time, and will play when coerced. He loves to talk about the current state of things, always pointing out in extreme negative but with a conclusively positive, "but hey, what can you do?" His wife, Lilly Moon, is very unhappy with him, and makes comments to him in public about how much she is unhappy with him, and what a joke he is. He says things like "no comment," or "I have no opinion about this." He’s on the verge of a major breakdown, but it never seems to happen.
He often plays at the Neon Parrot Lounge.