80 Year-Old Kid


Dr. Jeremy Scrines of the Scrines Aging Institute is credited for having successfully identified the first 80-year old kid some good while ago. The scientific community is always looking for new subjects to expand their knowledge of the enigma, although defining an 80 year-old kid has proven difficult. Every time an exhaustive list of features is published, someone spots an 80 year-old kid who fits all the current descriptions and yet does something NEW. The Monorailish scholar Dr. Bvick Vwavlavik famously noted that:

Our century has come to the conclusion that a comprehensive definition of 80YOK is not only impossible, but also very difficult to achieve.

Currently known ways to identify an 80YOK

  • Wears the gym shorts on his head
  • Pulls the wires out of your car
  • Mixes cornflakes up with nachos
  • Eats too much baloney sandwich
  • Sneaks in through the air duct passage
  • Makes a roadblock out of garbage
  • Talks to animals like prisoners
  • Puts a peppermint in the coin slot
  • Wears his gym socks just like mittens
  • Pushes all the floors on the elevator and then takes the stairs
  • Places a hambone on each of his shoulders
  • Breaks a dish when he doesn't even mean to
  • Tugs on his nose and it sounds like an air-horn
  • Asks you out for corn beef breakfast
  • Shoplifts batteries instead of candy
  • Dries out Andy's cigarette
  • Leaves the stove on when he drives to Midland
  • Grows tomatos on the golf course
  • Smokes shredded wheat like pipe tobacco
  • Wears his pants “all high and mighty”
  • Drops some cheesecake in your fishbowl
  • Drinks milkshakes of Metamucil
  • Puts one hand in his pants while watching the Jeopardy
  • Eats good Kentucky sandwich
  • Asks you if you wear a diaper
  • Hides his cigarettes inside the Bass Cannon
  • Doesn't remember who you are
  • Uses baby oil on his mustache
  • Pushes Uncle Olivia off the slide
  • Turns his towel into a whip
  • Picks up toys and makes them die
  • Makes you think he is a king
  • Creates a vacuum by spinning fast
  • Doesn't know what soccer is
  • Takes a rest on a pile of gold
  • Makes a pancake in the bathroom